Mindful Mondays: Why transformation is messy

Be messy, be imperfect, stop striving for perfectionism as it only divides our connection with others.

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Mindful Monday

Perfection is a myth when we expect it of others and of ourselves. May we find the courage to be imperfect, to be less than someone else, to be OK being flawed and to allow those feelings as much authority as those that feel good. Those feelings help remind us that we are human. It is important not to overindulge in negative feelings, but as important not to push them away. We are not meant to feel happy all the time. We are meant to experience emotion in all forms and it is what we do with these emotions and how we respond to our mind and body and to others that matters most. When we learn to be grounded in our emotions regardless of what comes up, we give others permission to have their own emotions. That in itself is transformative.

‘Transformation’ is a bold word. It alludes to change or a full shift. But what exactly does it take to make a full transformation or to change your life? I have never believed myself to be an expert; however, I have a lot of life experience. My views are not new, but the way I have lived my life is unique to me. No one else has my stories or life map, just as no one else has lived your life or journeyed as you have.

I have used my writing to help create connection. I was lost in my struggles for so many years, lost in myself and in my traumas. My struggles gave me a lot of skills, but eventually I found that I needed to evolve out of my struggles and become the person I am meant to be. I took charge of my life and my emotional well-being. I started this path years ago, but the moment I asked my husband for a divorce was the moment I finally learned to step into myself.

The separation was a grueling process and I felt lonely and isolated. I was terrified of what my future would look like and of the struggles I would endure as I moved through leaving my ex. I knew that I needed to create a life that felt kind and loving. This was something I had not yet experienced, but I understood it was a possibility.

I got tired of living a life built on feeling shame and guilt and projecting blame outward. I hope my writing helps you embrace who you are, without feelings of shame or guilt.

Remember that your story is unique to you, as mine is to me. I share my stories only so that I can put words to the experiences we all have and create connection so that we may understand we are not alone.

In a world that is promoting social behaviours that seem to create more isolation, my goal is to initiate connection through honest dialogue.

I live for honest conversations because being truthful creates intimacy and love for one another. I strive to create a conscious community built on uniqueness rather than divisiveness.

I aim to have conversations about healing my unhealthy responses and behaviours so that collectively we all find the courage to do so individually. As we learn to build strong foundations we can make healthy changes in our relationships and, in turn, in the world.

When we heal and have honest conversations we create space for those around us to work through their own struggles. Our goal should not be to try to change someone, but to support them. I have learned that when I am supported, I can do my work. When I feel like someone is trying to change me or if I feel judged for having my own experience, it takes longer for me to evolve and grow.

My life has evolved and I have grown and changed. I continue to evolve and be brave in my life. I am learning to be open with my heart and I have softened a great deal. I understand that my softening is not a weakness, but a strength. I want you to know that as you move through the processes you need for your evolution, you are exactly where you need to be in this moment for your soul and your emotional growth. Please don’t render your process to judgement because you need to find your path, your truth; at times it will not be graceful, you will fail, you will fall and you will struggle and suffer. But trust that without those experiences you will not get to where you need to be.

I have learned to be patient and stop storming through my life. I hope you find more patience with yourself and evolve in ways that you may have never expected. I am constantly learning to let go of certainty; when I let the world show up without needing to control it, I experience moments of magic all the time.

This being human is big work. It takes bravery to show up and do our work and we won’t get anywhere if we expect life to be ‘perfect’ or if we avoid challenge. You can make changes that bring about more peace, but the journey of evolution will bring up triggers, inner conflicts and challenging times. I want you to know that it’s OK: it is OK to be challenged and OK to be moved to tears or to your knees.

Surround yourself with people that support you for being you, and stop giving your precious time to those who don’t. It is a simple sentiment to share, but not necessarily simple to live or learn. Most importantly, remember that you are worthy of receiving love and of living the life you want to live.

Be messy, be imperfect, stop striving for perfectionism as it only divides our connection with others. Perfectionism, holding ourselves or others to it is what creates division internally and externally. When we lose curiosity and become hardened. Play in the fascination of life, of not having the answers, and I promise, that in itself will help heal some of your wounds.

Noelle Bovon